The VERY Abnormal Day
by wtfpenname
Summary: It all started at four in the morning...when Orochimaru came in with a pink frilly apron. Randomness. Oneshot. Yaoi. OoCness. KabuSasu


I was in a hyper/high mood and wrote this xD It's completely random. And it's weird because Sasuke's mood changes throughout it. Yeah.  
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Kabuto would've raped Sasuke twice during the exams o.o  
Warnings: Yaoi (boyxboy) Mentions of sex, OoC (Very much so.) Cursing, and Orochimaru in a frilly pink apron. o.o You have been warned.

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**The VERY Abnormal Day **

Well, one thing was for sure. Today was NOT going to be a normal day.

Sasuke first realized this when Orochimaru walked in at four in the morning wearing a pink apron with little frillies. He apparently wanted Sasuke to come help him and Kabuto make cookies…. at four in the morning.

Sasuke stared at the pale, snake-like man like he was crazy. One, it was FOUR in the morning (how many times has this been pointed out now?) Two, OROCHIMARU wanted to COOK. Three, KABUTO was helping? That's just…wrong.

But Orochimaru dragged Sasuke out of bed and into the kitchen that appeared randomly where Orochimaru's bedroom use to be. Sasuke noticed this and looked at Kabuto, who was woken up before and was already in an apron, "Wasn't this where Orochimaru's room was…?"

Kabuto shrugged, "He's going through one of his phases, weird things always happen during these. It usually lasts only a day, though once it lasted two weeks."

Sasuke twitched and hoped this was going to be a one-day thing. Then Orochimaru popped between them with a really, really, REALLY happy face, "Kabuto-Kun Go get the ingredients from the closet. Sasuke-Kun Go get an apron on, we don't want to get your clothes dirty."

Kabuto did as he was told, but Sasuke just stared the freaky happy man, "I'm going back to bed."

Orochimaru tackled Sasuke to the ground, "Sasuke" He whined, kind of like how Naruto does. "But the cookies won't be as good if you don't help make them"

Sasuke stared at him more, "It's freaking FOUR IN THE MORNING," He stated.

Kabuto butted into the conversation, "Actually, it's now 4:24, there's a twenty four minute difference there."

Sasuke wanted to say something mean back to Kabuto, but Orochimaru nuzzled his arm, "Please, Sasuke-Kun?"

Sasuke sighed, "Fine." Orochimaru did a little dance. Yep, today was definitely not going to be a normal day.

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It was around noon when the cookies were finally done.

Yes, it took eight hours to make those sugary treats.

During these eight hours, there were four food fights, seven bowls of missing cookie dough (Sasuke and Kabuto both came to the conclusion Orochimaru ate it and blamed them for it.) and several arguments. All of which were Sasuke versus Kabuto. The first one was about how tired Sasuke was and about what he was doing the night before to make him so tired. Another was about how sissy Kabuto looked in an apron, which ended in the decision that Sasuke looked more sissier than Kabuto. Then about who made better cookies.

The last argument, though, was who was going to try the cookies first. Sasuke thought he should since he did most of the work. Kabuto thought he should because he won most of the arguments they had. And Orochimaru thought he should because he was supreme ruler of candy land (The other two men stared at him during this outburst, then decided he didn't need anymore sugar.)

Anyways, the cookies were done, Orochimaru was locked in a closet, and Sasuke and Kabuto were yet again arguing about who got to eat the first cookie. They came to the conclusion that they'll eat a cookie at the same time, but when they turned to grab some cookies, the tray was gone. In its place was a very full looking Orochimaru.

Sasuke was the first to talk-err, yell, "HOW THE HELL DID HE GET OUT?" Kabuto shrugged and glared angrily at the snake man. Orochimaru waved at them and bounced about. But Sasuke was still ranting.

"EIGHT HOURS. EIGHT FUCKING HOURS. WASTED. BECAUSE HE," he pointed angrily at Orochimaru, "ATE ALL THE FUCKING COOKIES. THE WHOLE FUCKING TRAY."

Kabuto attempted to calm the Uchiha down, but failed. Sasuke just screamed at him and lunged at Orochimaru. The medic nin sighed, then pulled out a tranquilizer and put Sasuke to sleep before he hurt the older ninja. _He needed the sleep anyway, apparently._ Kabuto thought to himself as he picked up Sasuke and left the kitchen/room thing, leaving a very hyper Orochimaru inside.

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Sasuke woke up, aroused. He had the most…explicit…dream he's ever had. It involved our beloved medic nin and cookie dough…. and of course handcuffs, a dream like that is never complete without handcuffs.

He got out of bed and decided to take a shower, preferably a cold one. He got up and started walking towards the bathroom when he realized something; he wasn't where he'd fallen asleep. In fact, before his LOVELY dream, he was trying to claw Orochimaru's stomach open. He wondered about this throughout his whole shower. He was going to go ask Orochimaru, but he didn't know if it was still the day of the 'phase' or if he'd slept throughout the day and night. And even so, there was a chance Orochimaru was still in the phase. So he decided to ask Kabuto, completely forgetting about the dream before.

He knocked on the door, but when he heard Kabuto say, 'come in' he remembered the dream. He stood there like a hormonal teenage girl in love, blushing and staring at the door. After awhile, Kabuto opened it, "Didn't you hear me? I said 'come in' only about ten times." Then he noticed Sasuke's face and stared with amusement, "Do you love my door THAT much? Well sorry, I don't think it's your type…"

Sasuke glared at him, "What happened yesterday…or today…or whenever it was."

Kabuto blinked, "You mean this morning? I tranquilized you so you fell asleep, then took you to your room before Orochimaru raped you or something. Who knows what he's thinking during his phases…"

Sasuke stared at him for a second, "So in other words, you thought about me…" Kabuto shrugged, then stared at Sasuke. Weird, his eyes looked….lustful… Kabuto gasped as Sasuke randomly jumped and straddled him, pinning Kabuto's hands. It was now Kabuto's turn to blush. "…S-Sasuke, get off." He instructed.

But Sasuke, being the hormonal teenager he is, just nuzzled the crook of his neck, "Kabuto cares about me, I feel so touched I wanna give him a surprise now,"

Kabuto clenched his eyes shut. No no no no NO. If THIS was going to happen, HE had to be on top. So he somehow maneuvered himself so soon it was Sasuke pinned to the floor and he was on top. He bent down to Sasuke's ear and whispered in a low but harsh voice, "If this is how you want to play it, **I'M** on top." Sasuke replied with a hungry kiss, which Kabuto returned.

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Orochimaru sat at Kabuto's door and listened to the sounds his little minion-things were making. He giggled to himself while whispering a "Mission Accomplished."

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Sasuke was putting his shirt on, grumbling something about Kabuto being too rough. Said medic nin was already dressed and smirking at Sasuke, "You shouldn't be talking, it WAS you who kept telling me to go 'faster' and 'harder'"

Sasuke blushed, "Well!…well…" he thought for a moment. He didn't have a comeback. This is how screwed up he is currently. Kabuto realized this and wrapped his arm around Sasuke's waist from behind, "I only did what you told me to do," he said while sucking lightly on Sasuke's neck, "So stop complaining."

Sasuke shivered and slapped Kabuto across the face before stomping angrily out of the room, leaving Kabuto with a smug look on his face.

Yep, this was the most abnormal day ever.

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Yes o.o Wasn't it random like I said? xD R&R


End file.
